I am spending my child support on dildos
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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