She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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