I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
