I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
