??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
