Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
