I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did not marry a roomba.
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