I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
