who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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