i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
