im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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