so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
