I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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