I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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