Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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