The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
