Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
