Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
