drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
