i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
