They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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