He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
