I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we should paint friendship bongs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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