They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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