I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
