Non-Jews are for practice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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