she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
