I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
