I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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