I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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