Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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