my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I understand Curling. That high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
