Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
