I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he thought i was a dude.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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