Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
