Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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