I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
