it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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