the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
