I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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