I want to stick my p in your. b.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
