I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
