sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this boner is exhausting
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
