You're my little dorito
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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