so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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