Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
