I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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