My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
