so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
