i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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