Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
