Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
