she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
