Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
