I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
