yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
