i already hear my dad disowning me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dick very happy bro
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
