I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
