I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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