I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
