When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
smell my finger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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