haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
