p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
