Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
