Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made out on top of his cat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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