i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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