I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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