I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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