Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
