I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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