That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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