I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
