She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
