I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
