70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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