This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
