I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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