I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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