I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
