my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
