never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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