last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
