It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
