My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
