She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
