when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
