I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Vodka?
Forever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
