i may or may not be watching the land before time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
