wanna go halves on a baby?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
