I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
