it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
