you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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