I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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