i permit you to call me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
