People in love make me want to vomit
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
