youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
