sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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