your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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