Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
